I do 5 sit-ups every morning.

May not sound like much, but there's only so many times you can hit the snooze button.

Nothing is impossible.

The word itselfs says: "I'm possible!"

~ Audrey Hepburn

 

HUMAN BEING:

a creature who cuts down trees, makes paper and writes "save trees" on the paper.

 

You know that place between sleep and awake?

That place where you can still remember dreaming?

That's where I'll be waiting for you.

That's where I'll always love you.

~ Peter Pan

A 5-year-old asked her older brother:

"What is love?"

He looked at her and said:

"Love is when you steal my chocolate every day and I still keep it in the same place."

A rose is not a good symbol for love. Roses wilt.

I will not give you a rose or even a flower.

Our love is forever. So here is a NOKIA phone.

 

I was good at maths before they decided to mix the alphabet in it...

Dear Microsoft Word,

I'm pretty sure I spelled my name correctly.

Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass.

It's about learning how to dance in the rain

Break-ups aren't always meant for Make-ups.

Sometimes they're meant for wake-ups.

 

If you love 2 people, you should choose the second one.

Because if you really loved the first one, there wouln't be a second one.

~ Johnny Depp

 

I took a pain pill.

Why are you still here?

Pessimist: Glass half empty

Optimist: Glass half full

Me: Yay! There is room to add vodka!

Dear Optimist, Pessimist and Realist,

While you guys were arguing about the glass of water, I drank it.

Sincerely, the

Oppotunist

 

When I was a kid, I wanted to be older. This shit is NOT what I expected!

 

Alcohol does not solve problems.

But then again... neither does milk.

 

A dog doesn't care if you're rich or poor, smart or dumb. Give him your heart and he'll give you his.

 

In a way I feel sorry dor the kids of this generation. They'll have parents who know how to check browser history.

 

There are 2 words in a person's life, that will open a lot of doors for them:

PUSH & PULL

 

A good lawyer knows the law.

A great lawyer knows the judge.

 

Laughing is the best medecin. But if you're laughing without a reason you need a medecin.

 

Next time I'm in an elevator with 5 or 6 people, I'm gonna look sternly around and say: "I believe you all wonder why I've gathered you all here today..."

Yesterday they told me they made icecubes out of leftover wine.

I was confused:

What's leftover wine?

 

From that moment I first laid eyes on you, I knew that I would want to spend the rest of my life avoiding you.

 

A clean house is a sign of NO INTERNET CONNECTION!

 

If women ruled the world, there would be no more wars. Just a bunch of jealous countries not talking to each other.

"Did you do your homework?"

 

"I have other students' test to grade."

 

"Did you grade my test?"

 

"I have other teachers homework to do."

If we were not meant to have midnight snacks, why is there a light in the fridge?

When people see you lying down with your eyes closed, they still ask: "Are you sleeping?" "No, I'm training to die!"

 

Isn't it funny how red, blue and white represent freedom...

until they're flashing behind you.

Love has 4 letters, but so does hate.

Friends has 7 letters, but so does enemies.

Truth has 5 letters, but so does lying.

 

Teacher: You should know this, you learned it 2 years ago.

Me: Dude, I don't even remember what I ate last week.

 

I wish friends would be more like money. So you could hold them up into the light and see if they're

REAL or FAKE


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